This Is My Life 6-16-07
This is My Life 06-16-2007
I am so confused, upset, and frustrated. I am sick and tired of your whinning, bitchin’, complaining, and moaning. You want everything your way, done your way. Well I do things my way and that is the compromise of marriage you don’t understand. You say I can be honest and tell you how I feel, but when I do you get angry and overreact. There is no compromising with you cos’ your to prideful. To much of an ego you have. I know I’m not perfect, and I’m not the easiest person to live with, yet with all your nagging and complaining I still try, but that doesn’t matter with you cos’ I am not trying hard enough or as much as you expect. It’s the same argument every time, back and forth we go. Pointing the finger at each other, a competitive game. Who can out argue who better. Even when I don’t wanna argue we end up fighting, even when I don’t wanna argue we end up fighting. I don’t know the solution. I don’t know how to fix this. I am good at fixing things, and that is what frustrates me.
If I walk away from this marriage I am the one giving up, WOW isn’t that convient for you. But maybe I wanna give up. I want you to walk away so I can justify it by saying at least I didn’t give up. One more time I’m in acatch 22. It’s in my expirence that life is filled with its catch 22’s. No way around it. It’s what we do with them which has meaning. I notice my mind drifting towards a world of if’s. what if we’re not meant to be with each other. What if this is not the path I am supposed to on, or even better what if I strayed off the path I am supposed to be on. But that’s all ok cos’ in life there are detours. Is it’s so wrong to view life as a journey, if that is what makes sense to me? I know I’m angry, I’ve always been. In the last 28 years I can count the times I have been happy and still have fingers left over. That’s nothing to be proud of, I know. I am not proud of it. I am just illustrating that I am not a happy person at the moment.
The End.
-Sid.
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