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This is my Life (Journal Entry from 11-29-2003)

This is my Life 11-29-2003

This chapter of my existence is such a rollercoaster with its downwards spiral and loopy launches of pain, excitement, and fear. It appears I have some how evolved into a time bomb waiting to go off. I slip into a meditative thought of, if I only made a left turn instead of a right.

Selfishness won’t seem to leave. I am ok for a little bit, then I just seem to snap.
Mixed up thoughts…………………
I hurt people around me, I burn every bridge with certain people that one day there will be no bridges to burn.
Why can’t I be the person that I can see myself being at those moments?
Why must that demon lash out from me like a tornado running my life, my trust, my friendships with these people?
I try as best as I possibly can to meet peoples expectations, but I fail.
It’s awkward for me cos I’m not rational, sensible, or professional.
Breaking old habits are hard to do. Things such as people, places, life was just temporary. Then I stumble upon something I truly enjoy to which I don’t want to be temporary. Part of those things are extremely hard to deal with, so before I used to run. Running in circles with my life, I needed a chage, to many reruns on my T.V. of Life.

I keep doing it time and time again. There has to be a way to keep that demon at bay.
What is it I am not doing? All my life I’ve looked at what I am doing wrong.
……And you, you seem to always have to be mad at somebody, and maybe I’m that way too and I don’t see it.
It’s time of ungratefulness where I am upset, and it’s time of unthankfulness where I am stressed.
I know your human……………..

And so another day shall pass with very little progress.

-Sid. 03


Be sure to visit the authors website..  you have anything negetive to say about me, I don't care. I choose what to see, I choose what to believe, Go away if you want to stomp all over my dreams. I am not who you want me to be, I am not who you think I should be, You may find you are like me in some ways, Just leave it at that and Don't idolize what i say. Read more from this author

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