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This Is My Life (journal Entry From 05-02-1997)

Day ? of my Stagnit Pathetic Life                                   05-02-1997

In the life I have, I achieved nothing, accomplished nothing, been nothing, gone nowhere out of this broad highway of life. Came up with no outstanding theory’s on life, came up with no understanding of where or who I am. I did not understand them when they said to me “there’s a lot more to staying sober then just not drinking”. With that it seems I have to figure out things on my own.

You ask me about God, and where god comes in. What my understanding of the whole thing so far is that God hasn’t been doing anything, I’ve been doing all on my own. What Gods doing I don’t know. Maybe He or its sitting up there keeping score, keeping track of my mistakes, and setting up the differences by fucking me, because I turned my will over to something I have no clue about. I didn’t know what I was getting into, still battling with not knowing its plan. Not knowing where my life is heading. The dreams are gone. My goals are demolished. The game of life is in session and I missed my turn cos’ I landed on go to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Some where down the highway I missed the exit to spirituality. The willingness to live has left, like a vagabond leaving a town. As if I am not a person, and I am dreaming this whole thing. The end result is this, what I am dreaming is a nightmare, a horror movie, which no ending is the horror. The good guys aren’t going to come out strong, and the no one will live happily ever after. Life doesn’t turn out like a fantasy fairy tale. I am going down, endlessly digging with out stopping to think about digging, I dig.

Hopeless……………………………………

-Sid

Be sure to visit the authors website..  you have anything negetive to say about me, I don't care. I choose what to see, I choose what to believe, Go away if you want to stomp all over my dreams. I am not who you want me to be, I am not who you think I should be, You may find you are like me in some ways, Just leave it at that and Don't idolize what i say. Read more from this author

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009 at 1:24 pm and is filed under Day to day ramblings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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