New Stock Market Terms
CEO - Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET – a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry,
and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER – What my financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR – Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves..
MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW – The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS – What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR – Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use.
# # # # #
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines
one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG
one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers
one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.
But—- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer
one year ago, drank all the beer,
then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund,
you will have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan
is to drink heavily & recycle.
It’s called the 401-Keg
you have anything negetive to say about me, I don't care.
I choose what to see,
I choose what to believe,
Go away if you want to stomp all over my dreams.
I am not who you want me to be,
I am not who you think I should be,
You may find you are like me in some ways, Just leave it at that and Don't idolize what i say.
Be sure to visit the authors website.. you have anything negetive to say about me, I don't care.
I choose what to see,
I choose what to believe,
Go away if you want to stomp all over my dreams.
I am not who you want me to be,
I am not who you think I should be,
You may find you are like me in some ways, Just leave it at that and Don't idolize what i say. Read more from this author