1. Ask the person behind the counter(preferably if they are wearing a work uniform!), “Hi, do you work here? Or are you just wearing that uniform because it’s cool?” Or simply ask them, “Wow! Where ever did you get that outfit? If I had an outfit like that, I would wear it everyday!”
2. If you have already seen the movie playing in a theater, stick your head through the doorway and yell out the ending.
3. Laugh obnoxiously at really corny jokes.
4. When an important part is playing (like when they find out who the killer is or something) Sneeze or cough loudly and disturbingly
5. Shush everyone who says anything, and then go into this loud discussion on how it’s very rude to talk during a movie because some people might be trying to watch it.
6. If there is any kind of kissing scene, yell “eeeeeewwwwwww! Gross!” while throwing popcorn at the screen.
7. Make sure to sit in the middle of the row, then every 10 minutes get up and go to the aisle. Walk around a bit and then return to your middle seat. Maybe pause halfway down the aisle to your seat.
8. Ask the manager at the concession stand if the straws are free.
9. If someone is sitting in front of you, start kicking the person’s seat and don’t stop. You can also (if you have stepped into something gross) put your feet up. The dirtier your shoes are, the better.
10. Go ahead, make those annoying slurping sounds trying to get those last few drops of soda.
11. Bring two or more people with you to start a conversation while the movie is playing and make sure to be near as many people as possible. Be as loud and obnoxious as possible. If anyone tells you to zip it, throw popcorn at them.
12. If no one wants to be with you, bring your cellphone and don’t bother to put it on vibrate. Make sure that your cellphone goes off like a car alarm and don’t answer it for at least a minute.
13. If your phone does go off – Or even better, set it off yourself – pretend to be finding it for a long time. Make loud noises shuffling in a big bag and “accidentally” elbow people while getting into your pockets.
14. Bring your jogging suit and start doing laps of the aisles, be sure to pant loud and move your hips like an expert walker.
15. At a very important part, give away the ending. Like when the mom is trying to find her daughter, say,”Oh i saw this already, the daughter gets killed by the mom’s husband.”
16. Buy some kind of cheap sticky candy, like gummy bears, and surreptitiously toss them out into the aisle or over the people in front or behind you at random intervals. If anyone looks at you strangely, eat one.
17. Stare at someone for long periods of time. This will distract them from the movie and put them on edge. If they look at you, either keep right on staring without changing your expression or pretend to be watching the movie and then resume staring.
18. Gasp loudly and whimper at the mildly scary or suspenseful parts, and then during the scariest part of the movie, laugh really long and loud.
19. Sit close to the aisle and stick your foot out really far.
20. Get up to go to the bathroom, and then when you get to the exit, hold it open for a few minutes while you watch the movie.
21. Slurp your drink REALLY loudly and then do that big sigh thing once you’ve swallowed it like ‘ahhhhhhhh.’
22. When someone sneezes during a movie, stand up and yell “BLESS YOU!” as loud as you can.
23. If you are at a movie with your boyfriend/girlfriend, stand up and make out during the best parts; it will drive the people behind you insane.
24. At one point, lean over to the person in front of you and give them a shoulder massage and say, “you seem tense”, and continue. If they say to back off, say, “I told you you were tense” or something like that.
25. In the theater, whoever has the same colored hair or clothes from someone in the movie,tell them OMG i am your biggest fan to the person watching the movie.say this a couple times and stalk them for a while until they get into their car.for bonus points, ask them for their autograph,even if they dont have the same name as the movie star, or send them kisses.

This past weekend, a photograph of Tiger Woods whacking a golf ball directly at the lens of an unfortunate Daily Mail cameraman made the rounds. And rightfully so. It was a once in a lifetime pic. Though not because of the ball – because of a certain smiling cigar guy looking on in amazement. Of course it didn’t take the internet long to take notice, which spawned this:

And with that, the internet was off, photoshopping Smiling Cigar Man (or “Tiger Woods Cigar Guy” as he’s occasionally referred to) into every picture possible. Many of them can be found on a tumblr dedicated to the hero, and even more are floating around. Here are the best of the bunch:

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Thanks All who contributed to Smiling Cigar Guy, Freaking Hilarious.

Fear hinders my direction to move forward. I am afraid to take a chance cos I might not like the results. Hesitation freezes me into a block of solid ice. The cold shivering experience of not taking the chance is worse. When will I work up the courage to jump in the scolding pot of water to melt away this fear? To work through this fear I must perform the opposite which is faith. I have faith that I will have enough faith to let go. I am still trudging up the mountain to reach the jumping off point. Time is irrelevant cos the mountain keeps getting higher. I must keep climbing to engage panic in combat.

Fear hinders my direction to move forward through the trials and tribulations that I must walk through or I will be consumed by the fear. Thinking I am in control of the results hinders my moment of presence with the force. Fear hinders my direction as a hesitation appears of frozen confusion. Having faith can melt this ice of panic away. I must simplify my thinking so I can determine what I need to be in control of. To do that I must allow myself to feel the courage which is within me. I say to myself the door is open to feel the force. Faith is an evolving belief, and the belief in the force brings fourth courage.

Fear hinders my direction to walk past the agony and despair of these troubled times in my life. Despite the wreckage I have produced courage will push me along a path to walk through the panic in my life. As I walk down this busy street the only courage I can muster up is putting one foot in front of another. Living moment by moment is how I can get through life.

Fear hinders my direction to battle the demons in my life. I tell them to go away and every day I feel the demons getting farther away. With trust in the principles of a music player the volume will be turned down to the point where I can’t hear them and I won’t panic. Life will go on and so will I and slowly the panic will go away.
-Sid

In denial she lives, under a blanket of lies, an insane illusion which masks reality. I can’t live with this lie anymore. So I have to do something I never enjoy doing. The talk of hurt, the sit down of honesty, being honest can sometimes be extremely difficult. The discussion did not go well, as I am honest to a wall. Protroleum smog of awkwardness fills the atmosphere. I’m a liar in her mind, but in my mind I am true.

In denial she lives, obsessive, neurotic, emotionally unstable, and she doesn’t see it. How will she ever change, if she can’t see anything wrong?  To shut the door completely means my mind must move on from those certain qualities I like about her. The insane emotionally unstable qualities about her outweigh the not insane ones, so it will be easy to move on. If I keep remembering the reality of this situation that she will not change I will be alright. I must remember in denial she lives and that place I do not want to be.  Going round and round with the insane situation.

In denial she lives as we go round and round on this merry go round of insanity. Struggling to join her world I realize to be insane to see. I realize I could not live in her insane world and be happy.  The situation continues on the same path. In denial she lives and my mind is overloaded with uncaring thoughts of how pathetic she is being in this situation. My mind will be free tomorrow with her negative presence.  She lives in her fantasy convinced what is not true to be true. To make my way confidently I trudge remembering why I don’t wanna be with her.

-Sid

Why do I let myself fall in this trap of love? This pain I will not let myself feel victim too in this game that is so glamorously played. A pastime that I refer to as a stereotypical, superficially emotional destruction of love. The game continues. I find myself caught up in this pain once again. Sitting here I begin to try to understand why the love I was cherishing went away? Hurt once more will this cycle of pain ever end? The feelings that were relevant I could not keep from perishing.

Emotional destruction is upon me, as I wish I could go back. Do something different to change the past, but the past cannot be re-written. Emotional destruction is what hurts the most. Transcending through the pain isn’t easy, it’s half the journey. Confronting fear is a challenge, though pain is a good motivator it can also be a hurtful instigator to not do anything. Insight creeps back into my jam-packed caverns of my mind. I find a bit of clarity in my realistic mentality.

Sitting in a room by myself, with the billions of tiny voices vibrating in my head, talking aloud I believe the voices are actually there. Conversing with them I realize beating myself up for the mistakes I have made in the past causes distraction from the moment. The hard depth of emotional destruction is upon me. A crowd of people around myself, yet I feel so alone. Afraid to let myself love again. I am too focused on how I don’t want to experience this pain again. Moments past through other moments, as I walk through the forest of my psyche. I shall see through this pain so I shall love again. I shall trudge through this hurt so I can adore again.

-Sid

Lost inside my head, some days I think I am better off dead. Enduring through the after math of the murky wreckage I caused, I never envisioned I would ever see what I must suffer through.
This is my curse.
This is my hell.
This is my nightmare with no end.
A repetitious cycle, a rerun I keep living over and over day after day. While the nightmare continues my mental stamina is drained like a vampire sucking the blood from their victim.

The hurt won’t go away, to which the loneliness won’t fade. Doomed to this hell I’ve created for myself. As each day slips away, a bit of hope slips in my mind of the beliefs that serenity exists. Fore I know there is, though I won’t see it. As the hurt slips away, I begin to miss the murky sentiment of hurt. My life consists of thee other side of the fence is always greener, never content with where I am at. This too shall pass only to see the next murky sentiment of hurt.

I am lost on this path of permanent fear controlling my actions and my actions are based on fear. I am stuck between a rock and a hard case. I am one of the murky swamp dwellers and this murky path I shall forever walk until I can remove this blind fold of fear.
This is my curse.
This is my hell.
This is my nightmare with no end.
I gotta figure out a way through this loneliness, there must be a way to work past the hurt. This endless nightmare of a day filled with the piercing sting of anxiety is stabbing me to death. I don’t wish to see tomorrow, this hurt go away tomorrow. For tomorrow I will live this nightmare all over again. I don’t belong here, where do I belong?
-Sid