This is My Life                        09-02-2009

I am on the greyhound going north bound. Another one of my journey to experience, I am not sure what. Going through a lot of nothing land on the I5 I got to contemplate what I must get done these 6 months. This moment time seems forever long. After 4 hours we stop to eat. I grabbed some food, but the cowshit stench in the air paralyzed me from eating. Feeling nauseas I told myself I will eat this later. After smoking a couple of cigarettes’ I got back on the bus and we proc ceded on our way.

One reason I can think of I find enjoyment riding greyhound is the people. Why is it you take a bus to northern California verses a train or a plain? Is it just because it’s the cheapest such in my case? Quite possible with some people, but I think there’s more to that question. When I bought my ticket in Santa Ana the individual didn’t even ask for my I.D. I wonder how many people on the bus I was on had I.D.? Well I am rambling.

So I made it up here and was really excited to see my friend Ricardo. On the way to his house I tiredly talked about what was going on the last couple of years, and so did he. Having all this excitement I wanted to do so many things, but it being 2 am I was tired from a long day so I just fell asleep, and that ended day 1 of my adventure.

                                                            -Jeff D.

Drifting above reality

Today I deal with the fear of making it another day.

I blindly walk through this morning fog.

Looking past reality, I see myself fade

away.

Into a picture of circuses and clowns I franticly

run.

A gloomy nightmare in this corner of my

mind.

I find a spec of hope which carries me

through time.

To follow my shadow where ever it may

Go.

Yet not knowing where I’ll go.

As I live in today I still  

Think about the next.

What will happen tomorrow, and

                                                What will I learn?                                                    

                                        -Jeff D.

This is My Life            08-18-2009

Today started out as an ordinary waking up to the usual noise pollution going on outside. My spirit seemed high, higher than they’ve been the last few days. Having my coffee outside gave me time to contemplate my move up north. The stuff I need to get done has materialized into a reality. Got a call from the storage place I am going to store some stuff at, to finalize the details. Later on the love of my life called me to let me know I don’t have to move cos’ her dad got me an interview set up for a job working towards becoming an electrician. I was like WOW, I couldn’t believe it.

I sit here now at the coffee shop I frequently visit to contemplate the recent news. If this can work out, I mean if I can get into this “program” and toward reaching my aim. That would mean I would not have to move up north. Right now I am trying to exist in the moment and let the results be with the force. I have now one more reason I don’t wanna move up north. Amber the love of my life, and if I don’t need to go up north that means I can stay down here and work it out with her. Not to mention all the other reasons I don’t wanna move up north. Such as the way I feel spiritually, my family, and friends. Though as I said before I will exist in the moment and let the results be with the force.

                                                                                                                                 -Jeff D.

This is My Life                        07-27-2008

I reflect on the choices I’ve made in my life, as well as the results to which have occurred. Who’s to say they were wrong, hell whose to say they were right. They were just choices, decisions that brought me to this point. The only certainty is the truth of this moment. The way I feel now, from my point of view. Aloneness seems to shadow me where ever I go. That’s alright cos’ it’s just a point of view. The door remains open for the point of view to change. Focus determines my reality. My reality is not your reality, as much as you think you are apart of my reality your not. Our realities are just two separate realities crossing path. If you can open your mind and not be so ignorant you might just be able to visit mine.

                                                                                                                                -Jeff D.

This is My Life            08-2009

    Today was my last day at target. The store I only worked at for over a year, though I experienced so much and met some interesting people. At the beginning I really enjoyed working there. I had a lot of fun with the team I worked with. For awhile I had that feeling of accomplishment. Then that store changed……..Or maybe I changed. It could be quite possible my eyes began to open, and the fog began to lift. Where I realized I am capable of just not settling. My mental thinking has been realigned to go a new direction. I didn’t want to settle for nothing later as a great individual once said. I started seeing that my job wasn’t as significant as I wanted it to be, and I had feelings that I wasn’t accomplishing anything. The time has come to head down a different path, though I must remember I mustn’t or I don’t need to come back to this one. Not even in desperate times. So I shall step off this path with just thee experience of what was, nothing more nothing less. take out of this what is helpful and throw away the rest.

    I felt my purpose was completed there for some time. My purpose, showing the people I worked with a different perspective, than the every day mundane existence they see as living. Not an easy task to remove the blind fold from ones eyes. Nor is it easy to introduce the concept of not being awake, when so many of us believe we are awake. The way we are taught from generations of lies, is difficult to unlearn.

This is my Life                                 05-22-2009

I sit here at this coffee house and watch people go in and out of sports Challet. This mystery place that I dare not enter. Don’t care to enter. Which brings me to my next thought of what people say to me, “your closed minded.” I laugh and retort back at them “I’m closed minded cos’ I am not interested in your interests?”…………………

………….Why is it the dueche bag guys get the hot chick? Is it cos’ the chicks are dueche bags as well, they only look physically hot, but there personality sucks? Or does the chicks think that they can’t do any better. Sitting here at my coffee shop lets me wonder. People watching those around me. The age of aloneness, the justification of cellphones. Are we now afraid to talk to people without some device between us? Where has contentment gone? Vanished into data among this technology age. I switch my mind to noticed people not talking on cellphones, to people talking to people around them.

                                                                                                                                                -Jeff D.  5-09

This is My Life                                          06-04-2009

Another day has arrived as I wake up to contemplate what good I can bring to the people around me. I make it to the kitchen to make some coffee. Instead of making 2 cups of coffee, I make 8 cups, so the other ones in the house don’t have to bother making any. I step out of my microcosm to open the door to this very small world. I reflect on the constant thought of other. I concern myself with making the ones around me happy. That is what I must remember on a daily basis.

I must focus more on that at the place I work. I will do that tomorrow.

                                                                                                                                         -Jeff D.  09